Dear Mr. Rick Nash,
Due to unforeseen events this past season, I decided to become a New York Rangers fan midway through the season. I’ve been learning about photography & while I’m not very good at it yet, keep practicing with the hope of getting better. I’m sure you have much better things to do than care about fans cheering for you when you visit other cities. In the extremely rare instance you noticed my taking photographs during warmups before each of the games where your team visited the Philadelphia Flyers, I wanted to assure you that I was not in any way stalking you [or your goaltenders Mr. Lundqvist & Mr. Talbot].
I would hope that having been in NYC for 2 years now, you realize that in most hockey cities, season ticket holders actually attend most of the games — hence explaining their presence at [well, most of the] games. It was due to my being a season ticket holder for the Philadelphia Flyers that led to my attending all the games where your New York Rangers visited the Philadelphia Flyers. Inexperience with photography usually results in my taking a lot of photos — in the hopes maybe 1 of 2 contain an identifiable subject.
I’m assuming you’re aware of the whole ‘season ticket holders in real NHL cities actually go to multiple games during the season’ & it shouldn’t be necessary for me to explain this to you. Apparently some hockey players [like your ex-goalie from Columbus] aren’t too bright & misinterpreted my frequent attendance at game as ‘stalking’. Apparently several dumb bitches who [unable to afford tickets of their own to attend games — wait in the parking lot for players to drive by after the game] also seem to think attending games as a season ticket holder & posting photos I took of my favorite players is considered ‘stalking’. Those same dumb bitches [& seemingly your old goaltender from Columbus] think viewing a public Instagram profile is ‘stalking’. This leads me to believe they’re not even intelligent enough to know the definition of the word. That explains why they don’t have good enough jobs where they could afford permit them to be season ticket holders & make themselves feel better by bullying people who do. As for your ex goaltender from Columbus, well… let’s just say he’s lucky he’s a good goaltender because there aren’t a lot of other jobs out there for people as dumb as he is.
I just wanted to make it very clear [in the unlikely even all hockey players are as dumb as your ex goaltender from Columbus] my attending all of the New York Rangers games where you visited the Philadelphia Flyers & subsequently posting those which were less blurry and out-of-focus as most of the photos I took does not mean that I am ‘stalking’ you [or your other good looking teammates I may have taken slightly out-of-focus pictures of].
While I can certainly understand mistaking a season ticket holder for a stalker [actually I take that back, I don’t understand it at all. You really have to be a special kind of dumb to make that mistake.] If my appearing to be alone while taking photographs before the game [during warmups] somehow provides additional suspicion I might be stalking you — rest assured that is not the case. Except for the games last season I sold or gave away tickets for [not to Rangers games] since I’d bought the tickets for my father & bring him to every one of the games — it just so happens that he is handicapped & the Wells Fargo Center is not one of the most ‘ADA friendly’ arenas, thus requiring me to leave my disabled father in his wheelchair at the top of the lower level stairs where he is unable to enjoy watching you & your team behind the glass up close during warmups [before heading to our seats located in the upper mezzanine where I can’t see much of anything for most of the game.
Luckily your ex goalie from Columbus no longer needs to worry about season ticket holders [such as myself] taking photographs of them during warmups before the game because  I am no longer a Flyers fan & spent the entire second half of the season photographing players on the visiting teams - while wearing tee shirts with their team’s colors & cheering for them &  after 4 years, I’m no longer a Philadelphia Flyers season ticket holder.
Which leads me to the reason I’m writing. I’m hoping to be able to take my dad to watch some games of my new favorite team — the New York Rangers — in their recently renovated arena [which I hear is very ADA accessible BTW] this season. I’d imagine [if you even pay attention to such mundane things as a fan taking photos of you during warmups before a game] seeing me in NYC — an entire one hour Acela train ride away from Philadelphia could lead someone with a significantly low IQ [like your ex goalie from Columbus] to suffer from the paranoid belief they were being stalked. While I doubt you or your teammates are that dumb, I didn’t want you to suffer from any paranoid delusions about being stalked.
If anyone were to think I was stalking them, it would probably be Mr. Grabner of the New York Islanders — but even he had enough sense to realize & understand that was all just a series of [oddly coincidental but] completely unrelated events and is not under the impression he was being stalked. [I would explain but it really was a weird set of coincidental events that certain dumb bitches would surely take out of context if I provided details].
I wanted to apologize in advance if you or your teammates finds my photograph to be terrible/awful or otherwise worthy of being deleted from the Internet & any printed copies thrown in the trash. If this is the case, perhaps your agent or a representative from your team could politely ask me to remove the images from the internet and throw any printed copies in the trash — rather than your communicating this information via hundreds of hate comments from a post on an Instagram account [which you would then either refuse to remove or could possibly be too dumb to know how to delete such comments / posts, requiring my father to have a conversation with some executive at the New York Rangers to have removed. Because well, that’s just not a very nice thing to do. I’d go so far as to say it is kind of a very MEAN thing to do. Apparently I’m the only one that thinks it’s inappropriate for a professional athlete to respond to a fan that happens to be a terrible photographer posting horrible photos & for whom their paranoia & unfounded stupidity has led them to inappropriately believe is ‘stalking’ them.
Good Luck Next Season — Sincerely,
[A new Rangers fan that is most definitely NOT stalking you or your new goalie Mr. Lundqvist],
PS: The only reason I know the Acela runs from Philly to Penn Station in an hour is because I used to travel for work & would frequently take the Acela to Manhattan instead of driving & trying to park a car [I’m sure you’ve figured out by now how much fun a car in Manhattan is] and NOT because I had looked up the timetables & running times of Amtrak trains to/from Philly & NYC for the purposes of stalking you [or any of the other good looking players on your team].